


Merrily We Roll Along

by cruisedirector



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Musical, Romance, Songfic, Voyager1001
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-12-21
Updated: 2001-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 22:59:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cruisedirector/pseuds/cruisedirector
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From a mailing list dare to write a J/C story using the drippiest, gushiest song lyrics in existence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Merrily We Roll Along

**Author's Note:**

> We had gotten into a discussion on a fanfic list of sappy songs that remind us of J/C and I foolishly said we should all write stories featuring the lyrics to the cheesiest, sappiest, most godawful treacly "J/C" song we could come up with. I'm afraid I probably win the "godawful" part of the challenge. _Star Trek: Voyager_ copyright Paramount Pictures. All lyrics copyright Stephen Sondheim. Karaoke Night concept by by Siubhan. "Delta Quadrant Story" conceived by Janet Coleman.

_ Behold the hills of tomorrow,_  
Behold the limitless sky!  
Swing wide the gates  
To a world that waits:  
As our journey starts,  
Behold--our hearts are high.  
Beyond the hills of tomorrow  
Are skies more beautiful still.  
Behold, begin,  
There are worlds to win,  
May we come to trust  
The dreams we must fulfill. 

* * * *

  
"Coming to the holodeck tonight for the talent show?"

"I can't, Chakotay." Kathryn Janeway raised a pained eyebrow at her first officer. "It's Karaoke Night again, isn't it? I don't think I can sit through another Tom Paris rendition of, what was that singer called, Nine Inch Nails?"

"Nine Inch Nails was the band, not the singer. Tom likes to pretend he's someone named Trent Reznor who was in the group. I don't think he's going to try that song again, anyway--not with Tuvok on the judging panel this time." Chakotay flashed a grin at the captain. Last Karaoke Night, when Lieutenant Paris had shocked the entire crew by performing a song called "Closer" with a chorus that began with the line, "I want to fuck you like an animal," the Vulcan had interrupted the proceedings by rising and walking out of the room. Janeway had secretly gotten a kick out of the sight of her helmsman gyrating to the terrible music: she was privately pleased to discover that Starfleet hadn't entirely purged the rebel from Tom Paris.

"Apparently Neelix has been doing his homework on Earth music, and declared tonight something called 'Torch Song Night,'" Chakotay continued. 'I'm not completely clear on the concept, but I think torch songs were traditionally based on jazz or blues and had to do with unhappy love affairs. So I imagine the music will be more mellow."

"I think you mean more melancholy. Sounds charming, Chakotay. I can't decide whether to spend the evening weeping over these lover's laments or just locking myself in my quarters to bawl." Returning Chakotay's grin, she rolled her eyes. "What will you be performing, Commander?"

That got a snort out of him. "You know me. I don't sing."

"I've heard you sing. On New Earth. You used to sing when you were working, when you thought I wasn't listening..."

She stopped short. Neither of them ever did this--casually bringing New Earth up in conversation. It was much too dangerous, at first because it was so difficult to remember how close they had been, and later because it was so difficult to realize how that closeness had slipped away. Janeway was shocked at herself, wondering what it meant that she could blurt something like that out without thinking.

Chakotay's wide eyes didn't give her any answers. He stared at her for a long minute, then at the floor as he cleared his throat. "Well, I don't sing in public," he said finally.

"I'm sorry, Chakotay. I shouldn't have..."

"Though I will if you will."

"What?"

"I will if you will. Or, if you like, we could perform a duet."

For a split second she thought he was serious. Then she saw the grin beginning in the corners of his eyes, the moment before it spread to his full, curved lips, and she knew she was forgiven for her trespass, even if he was about to make her pay with his relentless teasing.

"The captain and first officer singing off-key about a bad love affair? That'll do wonders for morale around here," she replied dryly. "Why don't we just do the last act of _Romeo and Juliet_, instead? We could do it as a Starfleet-Maquis thing, with me in uniform and you in that vest of yours - it's too bad we don't have Alanna Necheyev on board to play Lady Capulet, but we could make a hologram of her..."

Chakotay was laughing aloud. "You know, Kathryn, that is the best idea you've had all month. Next Drama Night, we'll win replicator rations by the dozen. The only way we could top it would be to play the star-crossed lovers from _West Side Story_, but that would require..."

"Singing," they said in unison. "That's why I didn't suggest it." Janeway laughed, then stood and stretched a little, feeling the restlessness in her muscles. "I'm not sure I know any, umm...torch songs. I've never been one to moon about might-have-beens. Not much, anyway."

"I don't think they have to be about bad romances. Missed connections, belated realizations, bad timing. Just about any kind of wistfulness."

"The Delta Quadrant Blues," she mused. "Got it. I'll write it, you sing it."

"No chance. We both sing, or I don't sing at all."

Janeway pictured the faces on her crew if she actually got up on stage and sang a moody love song. Jokes about crew morale notwithstanding, she was willing to bet it would provide days' worth of entertaining gossip in the mess hall. And if Chakotay sang too, it would be that much better...except that there was a danger, the risk that it would be taken too seriously, by their crew or by one of them. She deliberately decided that she was being ridiculous: whatever might have been between them was over a long time ago, no one even thought it a possibility any longer, including Chakotay.

"Do you know an old operetta called _Merrily We Roll Along_? Late 20th century Earth, Tom's favorite period. It was based on an earlier play about disillusionment from a financial crash in the 1920s, as I recall, but the musical was about the frustration of young ideals. Worked its way backwards from cynical middle age to youthful optimism. I saw it when I was at the Academy, and swore that that would never happen to me."

"I don't think I know it. Should I?"

"Maybe. It has a couple of what I guess would qualify as torch songs in it, though that's not how they were used in the story, really. She moved towards the door. "All right, mister. Let's go look at that database. I never could resist a dare."

  
* * * *

_ Not a day goes by,_  
Not a single day  
But you're somewhere a part of my life  
And it looks like you'll stay.  
As the days go by,  
I keep thinking, 'When does it end?  
When's the day I'll have started forgetting?'  
But I just go on thinking and sweating  
And cursing and crying,  
And turning and reaching  
And waking and dying,  
And no, not a day goes by,  
Not a blessed day  
But you're still somewhere part of my life  
And you won't go away.  
And I have to say,  
If you do I'll die:  
Dying day after day  
After day after day after day  
Till the days go by. 

* * * *

  
"Damn. What are you crying about?"

I'm not, Chakotay wanted to say, but he was afraid that if he spoke, it would no longer be true. Instead he moved his hand to the console to mute the sound, certain he couldn't endure another minute of the falsely cheery musical. There were too many parallels with his own life that he didn't want to think about--oh, not the lead character's casual betrayals of his friends and family, his shallow desire for superficial success, but the missed roads...the inability to know, at the moment during which a seemingly small decision was made, that later that would appear to be a pivotal choice of one's life.

Kathryn placed a hand on his arm. "Not rolling merrily along?" she asked, more gently. He inclined his head toward her, grateful for her understanding, even if she didn't share the feeling the song evoked in him. After a moment she said quietly, "I haven't forgotten either."

He wasn't certain he was ready to follow her lead. Wasn't sure, even now, that he could talk casually about New Earth, joke with her about it...consign the experience to the past, irretrievable like the receding events of the musical. Then she said, "I still dream about him sometimes. It's never easy to let go, no matter how badly they've hurt you."

"That song makes you think of Mark?"

"Not so much, anymore. But I went through that for a long time." She turned to him with a slightly puzzled expression, and Chakotay smiled in spite of himself. He never thought he would be happy to learn that Kathryn still longed for her former lover, who was now married to another woman...but at this moment it was a way out. She thought he was thinking of Seska or some other woman from his distant past. Not of her, not of the loss that walked beside him every day, nor the absurd hope that followed it. If Kathryn still ached for Mark, at least, she understood that insidious feeling.

Chakotay realized he was staring too long, revealing too much. He turned away, back to the control panel. "Well, I can't sing that one. Everyone will think it's silly anyway. No woman's that unforgettable." He flashed a half-hearted grin in Kathryn's direction.

"There's another version of the song, you know."

"From the musical?"

"Mmm-hmm. This is the one Frank sings to Beth when they're getting divorced. There's a different one he sings at their wedding."

"I hope it's more upbeat than this one."

"Actually, the lyrics are almost the same. Only one verse is different." She touched a control to scan, her hand brushing his on the panel.

  
* * * *

_ Not a day goes by,_  
Not a single day  
But you're somewhere a part of my life  
And it looks like you'll stay.  
As the days go by,  
I keep thinking, 'When does it end?  
That it can't get much better much longer,  
But it only gets better and stronger  
And deeper and nearer,  
And simpler and freer  
And richer and clearer,  
And no, not a day goes by,  
Not a blessed day  
But you're still somehow part of my life  
And you won't go away.  
And I have to say,  
If you did I'd die:  
I want day after day  
After day after day after day  
Till the days go by. 

* * * *

  
Their hands were still resting together on the control panel, nearly touching, as the song concluded, and she realized whom he must have been mourning before. The songs were virtually identical. This one didn't make her think of Mark at all, nor the safe, predictable crescent in which first Justin and then he had enfolded her. There was only one person who had ever given her such a surge of expansive optimism, such absolute belief in her ability to keep moving forward.

"I'll sing one if you sing the other," he offered quietly, and she realized that they were a little too close, his breath stirring her hair as their knuckles bumped on the panel.

The captain remembered her own words of more than a year ago: _I can't imagine a day without you._ She could not look at Chakotay. "I wish it was still like that," she whispered, not having realized until that moment how much she missed the feeling. "Waking up in the morning thinking every day is going to be better, and you're going to share it."

"Are you speaking for Frank in the musical, or for yourself?"

"Maybe both." Janeway turned her body halfway towards Chakotay, keeping her eyes on the panel scrolling lyrics. "When did we lose that, Chakotay?"

His fingers moved the remaining centimeters to cover hers, barely pressing. "Maybe we haven't."

  
* * * *

_ It started out like a song._  
We started quiet and slow, with no surprise,  
And then one morning I woke to realize  
We had a good thing going. 

_It's not that nothing went wrong:_  
Some angry moments, of course, but just a few,  
And only moments, no more, because we knew  
We had a good thing going. 

_And if I wanted too much_  
Was that such a mistake at the time?  
You never wanted enough--  
All right, tough, I don't make that a crime. 

_And while it's going along,_  
You take for granted some love will wear away.  
We took for granted a lot, but still I say  
It could have kept on growing,  
Instead of just kept on;  
We had a good thing going,  
Going, gone. 

* * * *

  
The sound of the door opening made them start and jerk apart, but not before Tom had walked halfway into the room, his broad, bounding steps reflecting his ebullient mood. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw his senior officers sitting too close together in front of a computer library terminal, both looking morose.

"What's going on?" the lieutenant asked uneasily.

"Oh, nothing," Chakotay said icily, carefully removing his hand from Kathryn's. "We were just looking for something appropriate to sing for your torch song competition."

"Torch song!" Tom waved his hand. "That was just a joke I was playing on Neelix. Torch songs used to be very popular among women singers and drag queens. I spent half the day trying to convince him that if he wanted a real chance at winning the Karaoke competition, he had to wear a red sequined dress and high heels. Harry found out and told me I was being culturally insensitive, not to mention immature, and as soon as I thought about it I realized he was right. I still think we should do a sad song competition--I want to see if Seven can make Harry cry. Did you know she can really sing? I heard her rehearsing. It beats 'I want to fuck you like an animal'..."

"Yes, Lieutenant, we get the point," Kathryn's embarrassed voice rose over the conn officer's. She shifted her stance subtly, reminding him with her body language that she was the captain, even if he'd just caught her sniffling and holding hands with her first officer. "If not torch songs, what's on the agenda for tonight?"

"Oh. Seven wanted jazz, but the Doctor suggested that we do musicals. Musicals, can you believe it! Bad upbeat major-key marches and swoony love songs. And this from someone who sings opera on the holodeck." Paris rolled his eyes. "I came to see if we have any decent rock operas in the computer that aren't based on the life of Jesus Christ. Someone told me there was one called _Tommy_." Whistling, Paris breezed out again.

  
* * * *

_ Yesterday is done._  
See the pretty countryside.  
Merrily we roll along, roll along,  
Bursting with dreams. 

_Traveling's the fun,_  
Flashing by the countryside,  
Everybody merrily, merrily  
Catching at dreams,  
Rolling along. 

_Dreams don't die_  
So keep an eye on your dream.  
Time goes by and hopes go dry  
But you still can try for your dream. 

_Pick yourself a road,_  
Get to know the countryside.  
Soon enough you're merrily, merrily  
Practicing dreams. 

_Dreams that will explode_  
Waking up the countryside,  
Merrily we roll along, roll along  
Catching at dreams,  
Everybody merrily, merrily  
Rolling along! Rolling along! 

* * * *

  
Chakotay looked at Janeway. "_West Side Story_?" he asked quietly.

"Only if B'Elanna and Harry play the lovers, and I get to play the leader of the Jets."

"Doesn't he get killed at the halfway point?"

"That's right. You can play Maria's brother, and kill me. It'll be worth it to watch Harry kill you."

"B'Elanna...I've just met a girl named B'Elanna..." Chakotay sang in a surprisingly good tenor, then switched to "Gee, Officer Tuvok, you're really a square, this boy don't need a job, he needs an analyst's care," and then, with a raised eyebrow, went on to "When you're Starfleet, you're Starfleet all the way from your entrance exams till your courtmartial day." Janeway laughed, shaking her head, but when she tried to rise, a hand closed over hers again. She looked up into Chakotay's twinkling eyes, which had somehow moved centimeters away from her own. "Why can't we play the lovers, Kathryn?"

"We're too old."

"No we're not." He hummed a bar of music which she recognized--the beginning of the duet in the bridal shop, the scene which stood in for the wedding.

"He ends up dead, you know."

"That's better than dying day after day after day."

"How would you know?"

"I've done it. I'm doing it now, Kathryn." Her breath caught audibly. "Come on. It's just a show."

"I can't...sing," she reminded him with difficulty.

"We can lip-synch. You know as well as I do that the crew won't care whether we sing or not."

"But you should perform it with someone who can sing with you, Chakotay."

"Who? Seven?" he scoffed. When she didn't smile, he took her other hand. "I'm not doing this because I have any desire to sing, remember? I'm doing it to get you to do it. With me."

"I don't think it's a good idea."

"Then I'm going to sing one of those torch songs. And I'm going to dedicate it to you."

"You wouldn't..."

"Watch me. You think they don't know, Kathryn? You think none of them have noticed? You think Tom didn't just notice, and that if you ignore it yourself, and hole up in your quarters when you get depressed, it'll go away? Or I'll go away?"

_And I have to say, if you do, I'll die._ Chakotay gaped at her so intently that for a moment she thought she'd said the line aloud, or sung it. "No," she managed. "I'm just not sure that performing it in front of the entire crew would be a smart move. And you know what they say about all the world being a stage. Or, in this case, all the ship."

"Then where? How?"

Kathryn smiled in spite of herself, and croaked, "Someday, somewhere..." Chakotay returned the grin, but his eyes were suspiciously full.

"We already had the peace and quiet and open air. I thought you were a little bored, even with the time to learn parts."

"We just didn't have quite enough time. Maybe we never will."

"Merrily we roll along." Chakotay's voice was hard. "Is that how you want to live your life, Kathryn?"

"No." She was as surprised at the vehemence in her voice as he was. Chakotay gave her another long look, then dropped her hand and started for the door.

"Nineteen hundred hours," he said. "I think I'll try something from _The King and I_\--'I Have Dreamed,' or 'We Kiss In a Shadow.'"

"Tom will throw up."

"Bet he won't." Chakotay winked at her. "There's always 'Unusual Way' from _Nine_." Then slipped from the room.

Kathryn Janeway stared at the terminal for a long time before she sat again. "Computer, display all listings for musical theater, late 20th century, love songs. Major key. Witty. Upbeat. Transpose for alto..."

  
* * * *

_ Something is stirring, shifting ground,_  
It's just begun;  
Edges are blurring all around,  
And yesterday is done. 

_Feel the flow, hear what's happening--_  
We're what's happening.  
Long ago, all we had was that funny feeling  
Saying someday we'd send 'em reeling,  
Now it looks like we can...  
Someday just began. 

_It's our time, breathe it in:_  
Worlds to change and worlds to win.  
Our dreams coming true,  
Me and you, pal, me and you. 


End file.
